Sitting in a daze while slumped back in my rocking chair, I begin to analyze a new wave of sad and negative feelings permeating my mind. I finally realize I am coming down from the high of a fruitful season of ministry while planning for the graduation of my youngest child. The level of grief surprises me with spontaneous tears pushing me into this grey funk. New feelings of insecurity, loss and the possibilities of refreshed purpose are each struggling to emerge. And I’m giving myself permission to experience the discomfort of it all.
As I invite the Lord to help me process these changes, He kindly reminds me, “The joy of the Lord is your strength”. (Nehemiah 8:10) Honestly, I traveled down the wrong track for a few days; contemplating many alternative “good” avenues that would bring joy back into my days and strength to face a new direction in my life. The light of God’s Word exposes the one track I need; discover my strength through the joy of relationship with the Lord. Relief fills my heart as I pour out this prayer:
MY HEART’S DESIRE FOR A NEW SEASON
Today I praise you, Lord, and acknowledge that my inner strength
does not come from mood
Or anyone’s approval
Or environments (whether my kids are home or away)
Or from any accomplishment or nod.
My strength cannot be rocked
from a discouraging word
or the disregard of a dear friend,
…When I find my Joy in You, Lord!
In the midst of transition: more time on my hands, less childhood excitement in my home
Adjusting to our empty-not so empty – nest, (considering the presence of our adult child with special needs…)
In the midst of grieving the loss of one fully adored full-time Mommy role to
redefining my goals and daily purpose-filled tasks…
Whether anyone knows me,
Whether I bear a title that impresses,
Whether I stamp a time card,
Or whether anyone sees my life offering to You…
I will show up each day for duty to You, Lord–
Listening, talking, learning from Your Words.
I give my time and talent to my Master,
for His Kingdom.
I purpose to press on. To press on to know my Lord.
So, in each day I draw near to You
May I experience the joy of knowing You
The joy of hearing from You
And yield to You in those weak moments,
Anticipating and experiencing the inner strength You provide.
Oh, in these days,
may I look more like You
and less like me.
That I may invest in things eternal
And continue the work of Your Kingdom
All of my days.
This is the purpose-filled life I desire;
the joy found in knowing You and the strength to live
for Your greater purpose and glory!